9.17.2010

the cold war is over.


You know that feeling when you wake up somewhere you don’t recognize and for a brief moment your heart stops, your mind blanks, and your body is paralyzed.  You have no idea where you are or how you ended up here. 

But just for that brief moment. 

Then you realize you’re on vacation and it starts to kick in.  You are homesick.

I’ve been drifting off to sleep later every night and wake up earlier every morning with this aching throughout my body that just won’t scab over.  I’ll wakeup throughout the night and try to convince myself.

I
            am
                        home.

I know it’s unfair to say, but I’ve been at this for so long, I’m having a hard time convincing myself that I’m comfortable.   Don’t get me wrong, the mind can easily be convinced, but for how long?

With all this extra time on my hands I’ve started writing down lists of things to accomplish before I fall asleep.  These lists are always packed with time-consuming, yet unproductive tasks that would really benefit…no one. 

As time consuming as I estimate these tasks to be, they are never enough.  I always finish far before I intend to, leaving me more time to myself.  Consumed in my own thoughts.

What a horrible place to end.

2 comments:

Shirl said...

I love your writing. It's so cool.
It's also very reminiscent of this awesome Australian mag, frankie. Check it out, I think you'd like it (or better yet, go write for them!).

http://www.frankie.com.au/

chocandcinnamon said...

There's nothing that gives one more anxiety that not knowing what one does or is gonna do, or that's at least what happens to me, it's difficult to figure it out.
I love your youtube channel, btw, u are an absolute beauty :)
xx