And for the past decade of your adult life, trying to make sense of a community which has grown too quickly for you; you'll remove yourself but fall deeper and deeper in love.
This is misplaced.
You will constantly remind yourself that this is where you belong; forever but forever is not forever for you. Time will indeed give you a great sense better sense of proportion.
You were happy until you weren't.
A discomfort will linger into your long days and dark nights, spending time with yourself. Toiling away, keeping busy with mundane tasks but never understanding what is the cause of this stale routine. No sense of purpose, no privilege, no entitlement, nothing.
What is it and what does it count?
Well, they shared stories over stiff drinks and cigarettes with another heaping dose of stories over stiff drinks and cigarettes...a communal language which you lacked. And when they spoke, they spoke on your behalf.
So you'll leave; and you will not come again...but don't you forget; there will always be another war.