would my younger self be proud of me today?
i always thought that by the time i reached 30, i'd settle down, get married, and buy a house. and with all the money i've saved and the friendships i've made, my younger self would be stoked but damn i feel so lost. this mental health journey is a funny thing, isn't it?
i have to keep reminding myself that every thought i've processed is not always completely true -- like a fake british accent; it's still english, yeah?
let that loneliness you feel sink in; let it seep into your bones. allow yourself to feel increasingly alone.
if "all you need is love", then why isn't it easier for the rest of us?
i can't recall the last time i felt truly loved; truly wanted. even by myself.
i can't remember the last time i felt emotionally satisfied. it's so draining.
lots of people are in pain in all sorts of ways so i really have nothing to be sad about. i'm so selfish for letting myself indulge in this feeling. why do i let my mind drift in such troubling thoughts? it's like a vital spark inside me has been extinguished. to be the person no one's rooting for -- you know the feeling. it visits me frequently, but especially every morning. i can't even escape it in my sleep -- i have nightmares night after night. i'm so tired of this feeling. isn't sleep the cure for all catastrophes?
i need a vacation away from myself; absence defines importance, yeah?