I can't remember when this happened; I just remember how humiliated I was. Maybe I just chose to forget…then again, I don't think I would ever forget this situation.

Before I start, you have to understand that everyone does this. Everyone shits. I just happen to be the only person who can't do it in anyone's restroom but my own.

I just feel extremely uncomfortable.

I'm ready, let's begin.


Davis and I use to spend entire days watching films and television shows. We were in the middle of a series when all of a sudden, nature called.

-Uh, Davis, I gotta go home real quick. I'll be right back.

"Why? Is something wrong?"

-No, I'll be back in ten minutes.

"What? What do you need to do?"

-I gotta…take a poo…

"Just do it here."

-No, you don't understand. I can't in anyone else's home. I don't feel comfortable.

"You don't feel comfortable here? You basically live here."

-I can't. I'll be right back.

"Lulu, you're not going home to take a poo and coming back. That's unbelievably stupid."

I felt guilty so I went to his bathroom. I sat there for 15 minutes and waited.

Nothing happened.

I waited and waited. Utterly uncomfortable…

And then I finally went.


Then I flushed.



How the fuck can it clog? There wasn't much in there to begin with! What the fuck?

I panicked. What now? Okay…find a plunger.

I searched everywhere. If I lived here, where would I keep my plunger? Where do people normally keep their plungers? Where do I keep my plunger?

It felt like forever. I finally gave up and asked Davis.

"Oh I'll get it for you."

And he did. He went downstairs, in the garage, fetched the plunger, and brought it back up and…

-Okay Davis, I'll take it from here.

"No, it's okay Lulu, I'll do it. It's my restroom."

-No, that's nasty, I'll do it.

He wouldn't let me. I was embarrassed, frustrated, humiliated, aggravated…

This was worse than the first time I burped in front of him, worse than the time I farted in front of him, and so much worse than anything I've ever done in front of him.

Yet another reason why I never shit in anyone else's restroom.

I remember thinking, "If this isn't true love, what the fuck is?"